Dear Amy and Kyle,
I hope you had enjoyable holidays. Based on the number of parties you attended and all of the comings and goings I saw and heard about, it seems that you were festive and merry. Good for you.
Recently I’ve been listening to you banter back and forth about potential New Year’s resolutions for 2012. Lose some weight. Read more. Spend less time watching TV. You know, the kinds of things that all humans consider as worthwhile endeavors at the beginning of every year, only to quit them within a few weeks.
Well, as you know, I just turned 100 years old in 2011. I thought it might be a good idea to come up with my own resolutions for 2012, seeing as I’m heading into my next century of being and all. I haven’t really had resolutions in the past, but I see this as good of a time as any to start. Since I’m a house and don’t really have income or moveable limbs in order to help myself, you’re going to need to assist me with these items. I figure it’s the least you can do since you live within my walls and keep me busy on a daily basis. In no particular order, here’s what I’d like to work on for 2012:
1. Be less dusty. I know you have a kid and a Labrador, but maybe this can be a mutual goal. Dust me more and you can lose some weight?
2. Have fewer weeds in my garden beds. Again, seems like a mutual goal. You lose more weight, I keep my self respect with the neighboring properties.
3. Get some insulation. Kyle keeps the heat really low and I’m freezing my bum off. If you can swing it, I would also appreciate a new furnace and hot water heater. I’ve been doing some research for you which I can pass along if you’d like…
4. Watch less HGTV. Honestly, I’m getting a complex by listening to the whiney people on TV talk about new homes with open floor plans, granite counters and remodeled bathrooms. Why aren’t old houses ever good enough?
These seem simple enough, if you ask me. I consider these goals the least you can do given all that I do for you. So raise your dust rags and weeding implements, here’s to a happy and successful 2012!