Potty Etiquette

I am providing today’s public service announcement on the behalf of all homeowners trying to sell their homes. Well, at least my homeowners.

Buyers, when you are touring homes with your agent and you find yourself really needing to go to the bathroom, please follow these simple Potty Etiquette rules:

1. Ask yourself, how badly do I really need to go? If you are not about to pee your pants, please do not use my seller’s bathroom.

2. If you are indeed facing a dire emergency and are about to pee your pants, please only use the first floor guest bathroom in my seller’s home. Do not wander around and find the nicest bathroom to use (ie- the master bathroom or another full bathroom used by children in the home). Use the common area bathroom dedicated to guests. After all, that’s what you are.

3. If you find yourself using the first floor guest bathroom, please make sure it is returned to the condition in which you found it, or better. If the toilet seat was down, please make sure the toilet seat is returned to the down position. If there wasn’t water all over the sink or floor, please don’t get water all over the sink or floor. Please flush the toilet. Please recheck that you’ve successfully flushed the toilet before you leave the bathroom. Oh, go ahead, check one more time to make sure everything worked properly.

4. If for some reason you find yourself in dire need of going Number 2 at my seller’s home, please leave. Immediately. Do not use their bathroom. Go home to use your own bathroom. Or go to another agent’s listing and use their seller’s bathroom. Please, for the love of God, do not use my homeowner’s bathroom. If you decide to use my seller’s bathroom, something inevitably will go wrong. You will clog the toilet. You will forget to flush the toilet. You will cause an uncomfortable scene. In order to spare you, your agent, me and my homeowner from an awkward situation, please just do not use their bathroom.

5. If the house is vacant, please do not use the bathroom. The toilets haven’t been used regularly and have a higher incidence rate of not working properly. Increasing the chances of embarrassment to you and your agent. The listing agent has taken away the toilet paper or taped the toilet shut for a reason. Take a hint.

6. If you have a child that really needs to go to the bathroom, please just be as considerate as possible and make sure you’ve left the bathroom as you found it.

I’ve had some “incidents” at some of my listings lately. I’m not going to go into details, but if you follow the simple rules above when touring homes, you’ll make everyone’s lives much easier. I will end this by saying “Please be respectful of people’s homes when you are touring them. Treat them better than you would your own.”

That is all.

4 thoughts on “Potty Etiquette

  1. Hmmm – that’s interesting. As you note – you have had some incidents and as much as I want to know, I realize its probably best that you didn’t go into details.

    Regardless, I have to disagree at little – and this is from someone who totally hates to use bathrooms that aren’t owned by me. But still – if you are listing your house and inviting guests in to tour it, its inevitable and to be expected that someone may need to use the bathroom at some point. I don’t think it has to be an emergency for someone to feel ok to use a bathroom. And as to number 1 or 2 – what’s the difference. Its all just waste. If you have to go, you have to go. If the toilets don’t work or clog, shame on the seller.

    I agree that if you’re a guest, you should use the guest bathroom however, and its common courtesy to be tidy about it. If you have kids, you should totally inspect the bathroom to make sure they have also been tidy. If someone isn’t – shame on them for sure. If they make an offer, don’t discount the price just to show them!

  2. Michael, I have to agree with Amy on this one. As someone who will be putting my house on the market soon . . . wait, my HOME . . . the thought of unknown people using even my guest bathroom is very uncomfortable. I don’t know these people. They are guests only in the most tenuous sense.

    And could everyone please take their shoes off, especially if wearing pointy heels?

    Thank you.

  3. Elle- thanks for the comment. Regarding shoes, be sure that you indicate in your showing instructions to buyer’s agents that shoes be removed for showings. That is not the norm and is only typically done if the seller makes a specific request.

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